Together

I don't know what it is about this season of my life, but I find myself alone- a lot.  Between not working, children in school, doctor's appointments, loss of church home, and loss of friendships, I'm not completely sure what do with my self.  I miss my life... no really, living.  I feel like I am surviving... barely.  

I'm sitting in a Panera Bread just killing time before yet another doctor's appointment.  As I observe the people around me, and they way they relate to one another, I find the longing for human intimacy almost overwhelming.  But not with just anyone... some who KNOWS me... someone with whom I connect... someone who makes me laugh & I them.  Someone from whom I can sit across, buried in our individual work, yet knowing that we are "together".  Why is that SO important to me?  That kind of "together"?  It is, and has been, one of, if not THE, deepest desire of my heart.

I know the "right" Christian answer is that Jesus is/will meet that desire (read:NEED)... but let me be brutally honest here.  How does He meet that need to be hugged, kissed, snuggled, held... How do I hear His laughter when I'm funny (yes, I said when)?  How does He look me in the eyes and tell me I'm beautiful and see only ME in that moment?  Why give me the desires for these things to be met by another person, if He is/was the One intended to meet them?  Why marriage?  Why friendships?  Oh, how my heart aches... 

I know a human was never meant to meet ALL of my deepest and most intimate needs, nor am I to be that for another (ugh)... but none of them?  Take it away Lord or come be everything... I don't know what else to pray.